isolated

Call me a paranoia or at least,prove me wrong. Yes, my intuitions are not always right and I hope for once, this is not what i think is happening to me. What exactly is this 'emptiness' i mentioned earlier..? i feel disturbed by this feeling pretty often and towards the end of the day, i get all 'emo' bcoz of it. I hate being like this..and as clear as i knoe what's the 'emptiness' inside me, i don't think i shall reveal much.i'm not even 80% sure.no doubt whenever i thought bout it, i feel a slight dissatisfaction.i don't think it's even my fault,neither do i deserve to be the one goin thru all these. I mentioned about sacrificing certain things in order to achieve another. I never tot it would come true..

Humans are realistic- i knew it since the day i start to understand the 'real' world.. Friends, are no exceptions.I just never thought a few of 'em could be that realistic. Those i thought would stand by me like they used to, would call me to console and be consoled, those who used to go out with me without much hesitation and so on.... all which i treasured so so much-i don't get any of 'em now.Somehow everything seems to be drifting away from me and i'm utterly depressed=( I talk to these ' friends' as if i'm talking to strangers lately.The special bond we used to have seems to be tearing apart..and as hard as i yearn to solve this puzzle, there's no use in confronting cuz most will be in denial..Some said i've been thinking too much-some told me that i should expect things like this to happen once i've choosen and made my decision. The same ppl told me nothing would change & will still treat me like the way it used to be. I should have known all these were jus white lies.Even at times not only those but among my bestest friends, i dun seem to get updates bout their happenings anymore, neither were they even interested in asking bout mine-this is so saddening..It makes me wonder sometimes if i actually make a difference whether or not i'm out with them..i somehow thought i don't.not at all. (T.T) i've lost a number of "fallen angels", the ones who actually had a place in my heart, the ones i consider as important as the rest of the girls, n the ones whom i called- close friends. I missed 'em -very badly indeed and i wish i hav 'em like i used to.Is my wish so hard to fulfill..?There's really a clear difference when ur attached and when ur not..trust me on this. Somehow there's this large pillar built to block u away from the rest. They say u'll see less of those who're non single...but i say they do not even bother seeing these ppl.We don't live in our own bubble for god's sake.I'm no alien. it's hurtful & at the same time, disappointing to know how quickly ppl can change the way they treat u. I've given nothing but my whole heart and sincerity in these ..yet I deserve nothing in the end. Do we really hav to draw the line so clearly..or am i wrong in a way..?

Yes, i'm F*ckIng Emo~